CHAPTER 2
INK ME SOME TRUMP
MANY, IF NOT MOST, Americans believe that the human body was created by God in His image. It’s precious real estate: the average person only has around eighteen square feet of skin. Whether one favors a tramp stamp, a full sleeve, or a complete body suit like Ray Bradbury’s character the Illustrated Man, they want to think long and hard about a decision that—tattoo removal services aside—can never be taken back completely. A tattoo is for life.
Since the political tattoo is perhaps the most ephemeral of all tattoos, I wanted to know what kind of people were so dedicated to supporting Donald Trump that they would carve his image onto their skin for time immemorial—or at least until they lay mouldering in their grave.
The very day after Trump won the crucial New Hampshire primary, I was en route to the small town of Seabrook and Clay Dragon Tattoo, sandwiched between a Church of Christ and a store advertising Totally Nude Ladies. The parlor’s proprietor, Bob Holmes, made worldwide news when—to show his support for Donald Trump—he offered free tattoos of the loudmouth presidential candidate. As they say in New Hampshire, Live Free or Die … or Look Stupid Trying.
“I have little old ladies calling me up and crying and telling me, ‘God Bless You!’” Holmes said of his bold act of political immortality.
A veteran tattoo artist with thirty-two years of experience, Holmes administered forty-one free Trump tattoos over a couple of weeks during early 2016—and the numbers grew daily throughout the campaign. Earlier this week, a mother and daughter came in to the shop and each asked to have Trump’s Make America Great Again slogan tattooed across their chests.
“They’re doing the slogan. They’re doing the Trump head. They’re doing customized flags. They’re doing so many different kinds of things. We’re not limited,” Holmes said. “Have you ever seen the Donald Trump picture of him as Uncle Sam? That, I would LOVE to do!”
The free Trump tattoo frenzy was set off after Holmes made an off-the-cuff remark to a British reporter. When asked if he’d ever done a Donald Trump tattoo, Holmes replied, “I haven’t done any of them, but I’d do them for free.” The reporter put that in her article.
Within days, his political ink-quip went viral. Rather than welch on his gibe, Holmes correlated his action to that of his real estate mogul political hero and kept his word. “I’m not the kind of guy who’d open his mouth and not do what I say,” Holmes declared as a tattoo gun buzzed in the background.
“I relate to Donald Trump because I think he’s mouthy and opinionated—but he stands up for something,” said Holmes, who previously had never voted in a single election. But in 2016 he was inspired. “There’s no one else out there that could run this country—at all. Everyone just lies, you know.”
On the other side of the ideological ink divide, a Vermont tattoo parlor drew political lines (in ink) by offering gratis Bernie Sanders tattoos, which featured a caricature of the democratic socialist’s signature glasses and flyover hair. “What does it take, two fucking seconds to do?” Holmes spat as he compared a Bernie tattoo to his carefully crafted Trump tattoo. “That’s the difference between a Donald Trump supporter and a Bernie supporter.”
No one had entered Holmes’ parlor to request a tattoo of any of the other candidates, although Holmes once suggested that a client get a tattoo depicting Trump’s foot resting on Hillary Clinton’s head. Classy!
“I’m amazed that so many people are getting Donald Trump tattoos,” remarked Holmes, who was booked solid for weeks after the news story went viral.
But it’s not surprising: some people would drink arsenic if it were offered for free. Still, you have to admire the dedication of a voter willing to make a stand for their candidate that will extend into the distant future, long after car bumper stickers have peeled away, breasts have lost the battle to gravity, and MAGA has turned all blue and blurry. Think about it: how many Al Gore tattoos do you see?
Guided by the vague belief that everyone “wants to make America great again and change the way the world is going because we lost our country ... we lost our freedom,” Holmes picked The Apprentice star, believing that he was the only candidate who could steer the country towards racial harmony, even if it takes building a wall to keep out Mexicans and barring Muslims from entering the country.
“It’s become more racist now than it was ten years ago,” he said. “We’re probably back to the ’30s and ’40s with racism now—and that was all Obama’s doing,” he added without a hint of irony or elaboration.
Regarding his own Trump tattoo, Holmes’ big dream remained unfulfilled. “I’m waiting for Donald Trump to come here and sign my arm—his signature. Then, I’ll have one of my guys tattoo it on me,” he said. “If he could come here and do that, then I will have something no one else could have. And I’m all about that.”
Prior to my encounter with Holmes, I had never met a Donald Trump supporter; he was my first. As with a St. Pauli Girl (or a herpes outbreak), you never forget your first. And now, here at Clay Dragon in Seabrook, I was about to meet supporters so fanatical that they were willing to permanently ink Donald Trump’s face on their bodies. It felt as if Christmas had once again come early.
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MEET BILL, A FORTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD military veteran and former Los Angeles police officer. “We haven’t had a decent president since Ronald Reagan,” he said, providing the rationale, if such a thing were possible, for his Make America Great Again tattoo, freshly inked on his right shoulder.
Bearing a slight resemblance to Walter White’s Heisenberg alter-ego from Breaking Bad, the current constable of Seabrook hadn't voted since the 1980s. And more importantly, it had been five years since receiving his last tattoo.
“This one was the first spur of the moment tattoo. It was something I felt I had to do!” he explained. “You just don’t throw pretty pictures on your arm. You get tattoos because they mean something to you. It doesn’t matter if it was free or one hundred dollars. It’s irrelevant what’s the price. So that’s kind of why I did it.”
Gesturing to the Trump motto on his shoulder, Bill said that it was something he believed in. “Who doesn’t want to make America great?” he asked. “We all have the opinion that things have gone to shit!”
Bill, who has known Bob Holmes for years, saw the free Trump tattoo campaign as a political movement. “If Bob felt so strongly about something, then there had to be something to it,” he said. “He doesn’t take anything light-heartedly. If he got serious about it, then I had to look into it. You know what? I believe in this. I see where he’s coming from.”
As a devout believer in the movement, Bill even sent an interested person to the shop to talk to Bob: “He just happened to need a canvas, so it worked out well.”
Speaking about his support of Trump and Trump tattoos, Bill waxed philosophical: “It takes the two of us to get it started, but if it picks up and millions of people get involved—awesome!”
For Bill, his Trump tattoo was an ideological manifesto. “It’s a commitment. You can say you support a candidate. You can say you support an understanding or belief. But to get a tattoo, which is for the rest of your life, that’s a commitment,” he said. “And that’s kind of the statement I wanted to make. I believe in making America great to the point where I’m willing to wear it for the rest of my life. The people I’ve talked to feel the exact same way!”
He failed, however, to mention the immense federal bureaucracy that would be necessitated by the production of millions of Trump tattoos. Perhaps this enterprise would be the start of the future president’s vaunted promise to Make America Great Again by rebuilding the nation’s crumbling graphic arts infrastructure—one tattoo at a time.
“So the tattoo is kind of a way to show people our commitment, not just to Donald Trump but the idea that we want to make America great again. He coined the phrase,” claimed Bill. “And I’m going to pick it up and carry it—for the rest of my life!”
Actually, the slogan was first used by Ronald Reagan’s 1980 campaign. Still, Bill determined that it was necessary for everyone to get behind the phrase. “It’s not just Trump who is going to make America great.
It’s everybody. He’s the spearhead; we’re the arrow behind it,” he said, deploying a classic archery metaphor. “We see a hope where there hasn’t been any for so long … So that’s why I got the tattoo. I believe in what it stands for!”
Bill’s sibling, a Democrat, disagreed with the decision. “My brother said, ‘Hopefully, tattoo removals are free.’ I said, ‘Why? I’m not going to get this removed regardless.’
“It’s not just because of Donald Trump. He started this and gave us the verbiage. He’s just making it easy for us to get that point out. It’s turned into a movement, but all good things start at some point.”
Of course, all bad things begin at some point, too.
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MEET DMITRI, A TWENTY-FOUR-YEAR-OLD ex-felon (or once a felon always a felon, depending on your point of view). He gave up crime to work at a pizza place.
“I saw the free Trump tattoos on the news. Called that night. You know, just impulse,” said Dmitri, a manic guy covered in jailhouse tattoos. His friends drove him two hours from Cape Cod so that he could get his free Trump tattoo. “When I called, they said, ‘Do you want the slogan?’ No, I want the face!”
Dmitri explained why he wanted Trump’s likeness permanently placed on his body. “It’s a story for me. Like ten years from now, ‘Yeah—this dude ran for president,’” he said. “If he became president, that’s one thing. Right? That’d be awesome.
“But if he became president … and got assassinated … that’s another story right there. Right? Like, ‘Dude, dead president on my leg!’ So this is good. Win-win. And win-win-win, because it’s ink on my body for free!”
Self-aware to a fault, Dmitri realized that not everyone loves the idea of a Trump tattoo. “Ah, my mother hates it. She thinks Donald Trump is ignorant and hates everybody,” he said, explaining that she was a Hillary supporter. “I have no idea honestly. I don’t even care who is president at all. Period! It’s just a story for me.”
With that said, before going under the ink, Dmitri conferred with Holmes about his idea for a Trump tattoo.
“If I were a jiu-jitsu guy, I’d put Donald Trump on my thigh. So, right before I KO a guy, that’s what he’d see,” he said while demonstrating exactly how he would accomplish this feat.
Dmitri, unfortunately, was not a jiu-jitsu master. Instead, he brainstormed how to improve the Trump portrait slated for his calf. “What do you think of adding the Trump Towers in the background?” he inquired. “That would be cool!”
Discussion erupted as to whether the backdrop should be the Trump Towers—which would be difficult since there currently is only one original Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue in New York—or, instead, a 9/11 motif with the late Twin Towers of the World Trade Center.
Finally, compromise was too difficult: no architecture. Trump’s face and an American Flag prevailed. But Dmitri was not done. “How cool would it be if we did dollar signs instead of stars on the flag? Just improvise the dollar signs,” he suggested. “I don’t care about those. Throw that in there!”
Not wanting to be outdone, Holmes joined the playful banter. “So, if I wanted to add Hillary Clinton on a chain collar with a ball gag over here, that would be okay?” he joked, before adding, “’Cause that’s where that bitch oughta go!”
After the inking, Dmitri had nothing but fanboy adulation for his new Trump tattoo, which would complement his next planned tattoo: an angel and demon holding guns and a machete. “I love it. I love the fact that it has the money signs in there,” he said. “I love that it was free. I love that I had an awesome tattoo artist do it. It just came out on point.”
Even though Dmitri was inked with Trump for life, he admitted that he wouldn’t vote for the candidate: “Me? No. I’m a felon. I can’t vote.”
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MEET MAX, A TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD construction worker from across the Massachusetts state line. “I support Trump, man. You know,” he said in a gravelly voice. Max had returned to the shop for more inking.
“I did the portrait like a week ago. It took maybe an hour. It wasn’t too bad,” he explained about Trump’s face, which had recently been inked on his calf. “I’ve been to Bob’s shop before. I knew about it. I was willing to do it. Up and did it.”
Max pulled up his pant leg, revealing the portrait of Trump’s head, which vaguely resembled the Gerber Baby, surrounded by the words Make America Great Again.
“There’s a lot more you can do to it. Who knows, I might add some more. But I support Trump,” he said, pointing to the tattoo. “He’s behind me, and I’m behind him … literally.”
Even if Trump had lost, Max was committed to displaying Trump’s face on his body for the rest of his life. “He’s an icon. It’s pop culture.
He’s been around my entire childhood,” Max said. “I mean, he’s a pretty popular guy. He just breathes success. You know what I mean? He’s a successful guy—someone to look towards and to shoot for. So I think it’s cool. It is what it is.”
So true, as it would be difficult to live in a world that isn’t “what it is.”
Max, who had only voted in one previous election, said that he wouldn’t consider a tattoo of any other politician. “I really don’t trust any other candidates. I can relate to Trump,” he said. “I agree with a lot of what he’s saying.
“I’m a working dad, working class. So, I support him—and what he believes in—and trust what he says. The past election, I didn’t have kids, and now I have kids. So, I’m looking towards the future. It’s all about my future and the kids’ future. If he’s not in it, then I’m not voting.”
Photos of Max’s Gerber Baby Trump tattoo, which he posted to Facebook, received mixed reactions. “All the people I know, who don’t do anything all day—they live off the government … just sit on their ass and do nothing—they all hate it,” Max said. “Everyone that’s a construction worker—a hard worker working 40 plus hours a week—were like, ‘Ah man, that’s epic! I love it!’ I think that shows a lot right there.”
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MEET CODY, A TWENTY-FOUR-YEAR-OLD construction worker who was contemplating a free Trump tattoo. “I saw it, and people were talking about it,” he said. “And I was like, ‘Yay.’ Then I was saying, ‘No.’ Then I said, ‘Screw it—why not?’”
If Cody decided to go through with it, then Holmes, that very afternoon, would have been challenged with his most elaborate Trump tattoo to date. His assistant, Heather, drew up Cody’s potential tattoo: Donald Trump standing in front of an American flag, ripping open his shirt, and exposing a Superman logo underneath.
“That’s sick!” Cody exclaimed as the Trump/Superman sketch evolved. “I would defiantly go with that.”
Equally as excited, Holmes added, “That’s your Trump Stamp right there. That’s what they’re calling it now, worldwide. They’re calling it Trump Stamps.”
For nearly a month, Cody had been thinking about adding a Trump tattoo to compliment the Forever Young ink on his chest. “It’s just something crazy. I didn’t know what to get,” he said. “I have a couple of pieces I’m waiting to get, and I wanted another tattoo.”
And for Cody, it didn’t matter if Trump were to lose the race. He said the tattoo, like all great art, would take on a different meaning years in the future: “I’m going to think back to the crazy memories I had here, and I’m going to love every minute of them.”
Cody’s friends, also Trump supporters, couldn’t wait to see his new tattoo, which possibly impacted his decision to proceed. Now ready to go for the gusto, he told Holmes, “If you really want to, you can do a chest piece. You’re doing it. It’s up to you. Go wild now. I don’t care. I just want a tattoo, and this is going to be big!”
Finally, Cody took his place in the tattoo chair. After the Trump/Superman stencil was applied, the inking process commenced. Cody winced in pain. His body involuntarily twitched, distracting Holmes’ concentration and the precision movements of his tattoo gun.
“Are you done moving?” Holmes asked Cody while trying to concentrate on the lines around Trump’s hair. “Good, ’cause I’m doing his face. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but it’s Donald Trump.”
As Holmes continued, Cody kept twitching and wincing, almost to the point where it seemed as if he were being subjected to a forced Bernie tattoo.
“It’s whether you want a Donald Trump tattoo or end up having it look like frickin’ Hillary,” Holmes warned his wimpy, non-paying customer. “It doesn’t matter if it hurts him. Because in the end, he’s getting a good piece of artwork.”
While focusing on the colors of Trump’s Superman shirt, Holmes explained the nuances of a good Trump tattoo. “It’s all just shading to get the look you want. If you do the eyes wrong, you’re not going to get the facial features you want,” he said.
“Yeah, he’ll look like a chink,” Cody blurted out while wincing once again as the tattoo gun continued to carve Trump’s likeness into his flesh. “It’s going to be worth it in the end,” he added.
Cody, still enduring pain, looked down at Trump’s smiling face, now permanently inked on his body. Yet his loyalty to Trump transcended the tattoo. “He’s very outspoken, and he speaks his mind. And that’s what I like about him,” he said. “That, and I don’t like Bernie Sanders!”
HARMON LEON is a journalist, comedian, and the author of six previous books, including The Harmon Chronicles and Republican Like Me, which both won Independent Publisher Awards for humor. His latest book, Tribespotting: Undercover Cult(ure) Stories, was released in July.
TED RALL has worked in almost every aspect of cartooning. His syndicated editorial cartoons for Andrews McMeel Syndication have appeared in publications like The New York Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Post, and Village Voice since the 1990s and have earned him two RFK Journalism Awards and a Pulitzer finalistship.
